Wednesday, September 21, 2016

This Could Suck. Thanks for reading it anyways.


     So I've been away for a while. Good writing is hard sometimes and let me tell you, College English? Sucks! It sucks so bad, like it's not just boring. It is so damn dry, that it just sucks all the creative energy right out of a person. I even quit my second class (yet to retake it a year+ later) because English 101 burnt me out so bad, I couldn't get through 3 weeks of the literature and poetry.  I didn't want to read, write, edit, or even listen to the written word.

    I've had this thought in my head for the last couple of days that I couldn't wait to put on paper, something written that I could reread over and over. Also maybe to prove to myself that I could still do it, that I still have it. This may be a run on essay, an absolutely sucktastic mishmash of words, but it may not also. I may be rusty, but I have to start somewhere, and if it’s all gone? No problem, at least I tried one last time before I quit writing forever. It's not like I'm some great novelist, a poet, or a wordsmith. I really never even write things of great importance, but I like to do it, and I like to think I don't totally suck. So I'll stop rambling now, and I'll get to my thoughts.

 

 

     HALLOWEEN

     Yeah it's the middle of September, and I'm getting pretty psyched about fall and the cool weather. So, I was in the shower yesterday thinking about fall, and that got me thinking about Halloween, more specifically costumes. And then I kind of pissed myself off.

      I don't know how I got here, but I was thinking about Harambe, you know the dead gorilla, and about a meme a saw on Facebook about how all the ladies are going to be wearing "sexy Harambe" costumes. Yup, sexy dead gorilla costumes. Hot.

    So here I am in the shower, shaving my probably gorilla like legs, getting pissed off about sexy costumes. The reason why I'm getting so worked up? No, it's not because I'm some jealous hag, it is also not because I can't work a sexy costume, because baby I could. It is because nobody has imagination anymore! Every Halloween, it's sexy cat, sexy cop, sexy nurse, there is now even sexy zombies. COME ON LADIES!! Be sexy every day, have some creativity on this hallowed day.

    My sister and I went out one year and she was Batman, I was The Joker, BADASS. She did the make up so well, so realistic, it was awesome. But people looked at us like we were nuts.  Our kids thought it was cool, and really I didn’t care about anyone other than them. But think about it, you go to a Halloween and it is sexy everything. That’s great that you are confident, but are you confident enough to be ugly? Scary? The real Undead?

    There are some girls that spend hours on their costumes. They research, they plan, they design and create their own costumes. Those ‘stumes are bad ass. Go talk to that chick, she’s unique. She is creative. But you’ll never know, because you’re trying to get the bimbo in the sexy fire hydrant’s number, along with every other dude at this party. (And sorry, I didn’t mean you are a bimbo, and yes, this did come off as jealous and haggily. I can hear it too.)

     Anyways, creative cool ass costume building ladies, build on. I salute you. Babes.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Review of ":It's Two A.M.: Do You Know Where Your Data Is and Who Can Access It?"


    My name is Stephanie Oakes, and for my third assignment in my CIS127 class at Mount Wachusett Community College, I chose to review and evaluate Jeffrey Allen’s paper “It’s Two A.M.: Do You Know Where Your Data Is and Who Can Access It?

    This article was written about law office security, but I believe the information contained within the piece can benefit everyone.

    People always think about the safety of their car, their health, job security, and financial security, very few tend to think of their network security. With the advancement of technology, people can manage their whole lives on their personal computers and today even their mobile devices; banking, paying bills, retirement planning, and investment portfolios, all on devices that are easily lost or stolen.

     Do you know what your personal computer’s firewall is setup to block or protect? How about backup, do you regularly set up new restore points? Don’t forget about your mobile network, do you have and backup or cloud storage resources installed? What about anti-theft software? This article doesn’t tell you step by step how to fix these issues, but it gives us enough information to become more aware and gives the audience a place to start.

    The first topic Allen covers is physical security. Many of us have alarm systems and most everyone has a door lock. But these days, that just is not enough. Alarm companies now offer more services to protect your home including wireless service, home monitoring, motion detection, and remote systems. The more protection you have for your home the safer you will not only be, but your personal information as well. The article continues with the actual equipment, computers. Since we are just talking home security and personal equipment, I’ll skip over the locking it to your desk part. This section does bring up a good point on malware. Norton.com defines malware as “a category of malicious code that includes viruses, worms, and Trojan horses”. Allen tells us that we can minimize this risk by buying and installing reliable anti-virus software onto all of our computers and keeping it up to date.

     The next two topics are closely related, but I’m going to separate them into two different paragraphs because I think that they both have key points.

   The first one being password protection. This should always be the first step in protecting data files, personal files, and even your identity. All files, computers, and even mobile devices should be protected by passwords that are multi character, lengthy, with nothing personal or relevant to yourself. All too often, even with password protection a person’s personal files or identity is stolen because someone guessed a password such as “PASSWORD” or “letmein” or even your own name.  I learned that I am even guilty of incorrect password protection. A person should have a different password for each account they have and those passwords should be changed at least twice a year. Remembering what password goes with what account can be impossible, so remember to write them all down. But storing them in a secure place is important, otherwise what is the use of a password?

    Network security is just as important as password protection, which is why most professional networks are password protected. Think about it, your network is open and unprotected, if your neighbor is savvy enough, they may be able to get access to your home computer and all of your personal information.

     The mobile network is one most people forget about. Wireless networks such as 3G and Wi-Fi are just part of our everyday life now. These networks should also be protected, it’s as easy as changing the settings to make sure your device is not tethered to something else and is not a hotspot, sharing your network. With the explosion of mobile devices such as phones, tablets, IPad, and laptops comes a new security threat, theft. We now must be sure that our devices are on us or our eyes are on them at all times. Walking away from our devices, out of forgetfulness, even for a minute, increases that threat. Making sure your device is always with you will minimize the problem, also keeping as much personal and important information off your devises will lessen the threat of a stolen device, sometimes password protection isn’t always enough.

      In the event your personal device is stolen or damaged you should have a backup plan. That includes restore points on your computer and storage from cloud sites. Having multiple storage options guarantees that you will be able to retrieve your data from wherever you have an internet connection.

      It doesn’t matter if our use of computers or mobile devices it personal or professional, we can all employ the information in Jeffrey Allen’s article. This article can be the starting point of our safety map. Every one of us can be more aware of our actions and our safety protocols.

     After I finished reading Allen’s article I did a little reading in my textbook about malware, I was surprised to learn that there were more classifications of malware than just worms, viruses, and Trojan horses.  There are also back doors, rootkits, and spyware. Also that while malware usually only relates to one of those applications, some malware have multiple characteristics from two or three of the applications. Malware has many ways it delivers its destructive payload, malware can be delivered when a user opens an infected file, runs an infected program, boots a computer with a removable drive that is infected, when an event occurs such as a clock reaching a certain time, opening emails with infected attachments, and more often, navigating to an infected web site.

    I know that now that I have a better education of internet and network safety, and mobile and personal devices I will take better care to protect myself and my information.

 

 

Work Cited

Allen, Jeffrey. "It's Two A.M.: Do You Know Where Your Data Is And Who Can Access It?." American Journal Of Family Law 28.1 (2014): 20-24. Academic Search Premier. Web. 27 May 2014. <http://ezmw.ez.cwmars.org:4200/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login. aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=94589596&login.asp?custid=wchstcc&site=ehost -live>.

 

Shelly, Gary B., Misty E. Vermaat, Jeffrey J. Quasney, Susan L. Sebok, and Steven M. Freund. Discovering Computers: Your Interactive Guide to the Digital World: Introductory. Boston, MA: Course Technology, Cengage Learning, 2012. Print.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Absolute Crap ( The Truth )


     Today I finally felt like writing again. I really don’t have the time to be just writing. I should be retaking the midterm I got a 39 on. In math. It sucked. But I am finding it hard to concentrate, so I’m just going to get what is distracting me out on paper. Or virtual paper. Whatever.

     I wake up every day and go through my usual routine. I get my school stuff out of the way. I think what if I’m doing all this for nothing? What if it doesn’t get me anywhere? What if I get this degree in business and it doesn’t even matter? I have no real experience, I don’t even know if all the things I’m learning are even sticking.  

        Then I think about my brother. I wonder when was the last time he went to get high, I wonder if he’s still sober, or if he wasn’t would he tell me the truth. Then I think that maybe I should call or text him, but then I remember he never wants to talk to me, he thinks I’m judging him. Maybe I am. Or when I do check in on him he either wants me to do something for him or he thinks it is because I am calling to check to see if he’s high.  

     By now half of the morning is gone, and my anxiety is so out of control to the point that I can hardly breathe. Everything is so out of my control. There is nothing I control in my whole world. I distract myself some more with housework (which I hate). This is my job, the house, the kids, the bills, helping Eric with parts of his business and I do all of this with love. Because it distracts me from my mind, from my fears of no control, from life.

      What will happen when I have no more distractions? What happens at the end of school? Does life really start with a better education?  Will my new beginning mean that I have finally entered adulthood? Am I really going to post this?

     Truth is, this is crap. This is probably to crappiest crap I’ve ever written. It’s just that bad.  Oh well at least I feel better.

 

Thursday, March 27, 2014

I could murder a cheeseburger right now. How I feel about the thought of dieting.

    So as I might have mentioned, I quit smoking. Yeah, yeah congrats, Oh it was worth it, I feel so much healthier now, Awesome, yada yada yada. I don't care. What I do care about is that Im always friggin HUNGRY! Not hungry like "Oh I want to smoke, so I'll eat something instead" hungry. More like "I can really taste food now and I want more" kinda hungry.
    Now, not to say all I do now is eat. I don't just eat, I go to the gym too. The thing I'm noticing is that even though I gym, and generally watch what does go into my gullet, the scale has become my enemy. And it really sucks because we run in the same circles.
I promised myself I wouldn't let that bitch bully me, but there she is over in the corner being all judgey and holier than thou.
    So I hear you, I know, I could become more conscious of the food I choose to eat. I could add a diet to my fitness routine. Maybe even make some ice pops instead of my beloved ice cream.
     NOPE. Just thinking about ti is making me break out in hives.
A few years ago, to get my blood sugar under control, I embarked on the Atkins "way of life". Super hard for a carb addict. But I did it. And it truly is super effective for weight loss. Problem is , it is also super strict. I was making two meals a night. One for me and the other for my super skinny husband and sons. I would eat a grilled chicken salad, and watch them eat the spaghetti and meatballs I just made. (I died a little every night.)
    I just don't want to go through all that again. Why does it have to be that I have to spend 22 hours at the gym to burn off a Whopper value meal? ( Those things are delish!)

Thursday, March 13, 2014

The Teenager Complex

    OMFG!  I have completely wiped the feeling of being a teen out of my system. Not that I mind. Quite the opposite actually, I would never wish to be a teenager again. Not the hormone induced daily drama soap opera that was life. Nope, no thanks.
   But what I would love to know is, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING THROUGH MY FOURTEEN YEAR OLDS HEAD! Only every friggin minute lately. I wonder how much  of what he does now, I did then. I really can't remember.
   It is a fight to the death to get homework done. Everyday. He tells me he has it, then refuses to do it. If said child doesn't understand the assignment, when help is administered, an absolute refusal to accept assistance is disbursed. In the form of what can only be considered, as a temper tantrum. MADDENING.
  I don't even know if I can properly explain teenaged attitude. I don't think I could do this piece justice. The eye roll alone is a fine art! Then you get the " GOOOOD MOOOOOM" (god mom) or "I SAIID YEEES" or the dreaded "FINE" (not the same as when said by a woman to a man). No matter what I write or how I write it, unless you have experienced this part, you wont hear it, or imagine the look given. It is not what you see in the movies.
    I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure worse than all else above is the arguing. I thought fighting with my husband was draining, I was wrong. Arguing with him was just strength training to get my mental stamina up for the day the boys would be teenagers.
*Big Sigh* Arguing ANYTHING with a teen is like arguing with an expert on ANYTHING. Of course I am NEVER correct. Even when I am, and am not trying to fight, just trying to help with something. No matter the subject, nor the context, nothing I can do or say is right. I am a parent, therefore, I know nothing, have never done anything, and could never in a million years help or be correct. Nope, never going to happen. Its like talking to a wall. Oh and the blank stare that goes along with this conversation is SUPER CUTE. Not.
   I'm pretty sure it is a terrible thing, that I cannot wait for him to have his own precious  progeny. Who may be the same if not a little worse, so my moppet may come to me and ask "Mom, why is Junior being such a shit? " . And I'll remind him, because his mom is a writer, and will have documentation.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Smoking....or Not

        I quit smoking. Yep, I did it. Alone too. Sixty days. Huge accomplishment, right?
 So how come I don't feel like I've accomplished anything? How come I still want to smoke like every millisecond?
          Maybe its because I don't feel really any different. I was actually a pretty healthy smoker. (If there really is such a thing.) I like to walk, and played tennis with great vigor, messed around playing football and basketball with the boys. I wasn't dying not being able to breath. Well I was, but that was only during allergy season. (That crap isn't going anywhere EVER.)
         Maybe it is because I've put on a shit ton of weight and feel like a depressed fat load, and now I don't want to go out and exercise. My skin looks like shit! What the hell is this about? I thought quitting smoking made you look better, feel better, BE better. I don't sleep anymore, and when I do, I dream about myself smoking, or my husband smoking. So either way, I wake up upset at someone.
         No one tells you the crap parts of quitting. When I told my doctor what was going on, she said it'll be worth it in the long run. AWESOME. When the hell will that be?  Because right now, well right now Sucks.
        I know it is childish, how I feel. I know that my children will be better off and I will be better off. But right now, I resent my friends who still smoke. I am jealous of their every puff. Its not fair that they can do this, and be healthy, and not care what is or isn't happening to them. I know this is just the addict in me talking. I know that the voice I hear is the nicotine trying to get me to buy back in. But right now, I get scared that that voice, is me.
            This is not an anti quit diatribe, just the ranting of a near crazed lady.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Thirties and Un-Loving It?


        Ok I haven’t written anything in over a year and a half, so yes this may suck. Now that that is out of the way, I’m going to talk about being in my thirties.

        You always hear women in movies (usually rich, fabulous, beautiful women) talk about how awesome their thirties are; marriage, love lives, careers, kids and that they finally have their lives figured out. These women know where they’ve been and where they’re going.

        Who and where are these women, and can they help me?  I’m coming up on thirty-two, and realize now that I have less of my life figured out than I thought I did in my twenties.

       Yes, I have two wonderful children that I have stayed home with for most of their childhood lives, and it seems like I’ve done a pretty good job teaching them how to be responsible, how to make their own smart, well informed decisions and learn to trust their judgment. (Plus I have recently come to the conclusion that if I didn’t back off, they would be asking me to make their decisions for the rest of their lives.)

       I would like to say that I also have the best un-husband ever (although the un-husband aspect bothered me, being a woman in my thirties and all). Eric supports me in everything, my horrible cooking, my obsessive reading habits, my writing aspirations, and even my lust to work (which never quite works out because of the kids and their extracurricular activities, and his being a successful construction business owner).

      Now for the career or lack thereof…. I’ve spent the better part of thirteen years unemployed. Oh I’ve held jobs here and there, (and of course being a workaholic, I’d loved it) but I just didn’t seem to have enough of me to continue to work for more  than a year, year and a half at any of the jobs I was at or for my growing boys. It was really difficult for Eric while travelling and building his business to come home for sick kids, or to leave a job for a doctor’s appointment, and the kids and Eric were just more important to me than earning my own way.

     Ok so that’s where this leaves me, fully onward to thirty two with capable children, a partner with a well-established business, and me, not knowing fully who I am anymore without them needing me. Honestly I don’t even know what I want to do with myself. I have plenty of ideas, no idea where to start, plenty of passions, (writing being one of them and even that abandoned me for a while) and wondering if I’m the only one in this boat. I see everyone around me picking up and starting over, challenging themselves and changing for the better, for themselves and I’m feeling stagnant and in more ways than one….stuck. Am I standing in my own way out of fear of discovering who I am? Or that I’m not enough? Where are those fabulous women from the movies when you need them? These are the things women don’t ask their friends for whatever reasons we have. I’m sure no one would ridicule me, but it’s something I don’t normally bring to a light breezy conversation.

If this were a movie, I could totally keep writing forever and make money off of it, but this is reality. And reality is one scary mother, well you know. So I apologize if this seemed more of an unorganized ranting, but hey cut me some slack, it took me sixteen months to come up with my own original idea…and then to try and make it witty!  I look forward to feedback (good and bad, I appreciate it); lastly I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Ciao

Stephanie